“Like, oh my God, did you hear DJT’s killing the republic!”/Image: Licensed Adobe stock, AR Images.
Hey, my right-wing Chatty Cathys!
It’s me, Bubbles MacMillan, your uber-connected right-wing gossip with some seriously juicy tidbits for you., as always. I have GOT to tell you something–but shhhhhh! You can’t tell anyone else! Lean in close!
Until next week, SYRW readers, remember: you didn’t hear this from me!
Spread Your Right Wings (SYRW) is the most ridiculously awesome Alt-right lifestyle blog out there. I know you know this, I just like to reiterate it from time to time. Well, it’s also the only Alt-right lifestyle, and some would say nothing exists except in relation to other things. So that would mean we…don’t exist?
Anywho, we on the side of life favored by most hands–the right–aren’t known to give much thought to ontological questions nor ones of language and its relation to that which it describes nor anything but cheering like cretins at neo-Nazi rallies. The fact that each word–each syllable–we utter is meaningful, has an effect, and can uplift or downturn–this is not only beyond us, but…it’s Snowflake territory! And we’re all about melting those…hence: our love of climate change.
My Inside the Beltway inside sources gave me some gossip so juicy I’m still wiping it off my chin even as I write this. The young people have their lingo these days, and the right-wing now does too. The right-winger mini-lexicon I’m going to fill you in on today is like most conserva-things throughout history. It borrows from out-groups–in the case the young, those people that have a clue by way of a few functioning brain cells, the capacity to feel compassion, and for some reason enjoy having these things. Once we borrow something, we ruin it. Sort of like what whites did with the land now known as the U.S. of A. when whites took it from Native Americans.
Related: See how to throw together some Shaking Things Up for the Sake of It right-wing shakes!
Such Losers!
You may have heard that the younguns use the acronym “YOLO,” to stand for “You Only Live Once,” a sort of Carpe Diem for the digital age, likely having come to us because it really is too boring and annoying to text “You Only Live Once” every time you have to justify a wacky thing. you’re doing.
If you’ve heard this to be the case–no. Just, no. Or at least “no” as far as we wonderful-ites on the right wing of the contemporary political spectrum are concerned. What it means when we say, text, email, or what have you “YOLO” is: You Only Lose Once. We Christian whites lost in a broad sense when President Barack Obama was elected not once, but twice. A black man and his Snowfake followers telling us what to do! Imagine that! Oh, no, no, no. We lost once–OK, twice in a row in 2008 and 2012, but we’ll just count it as once. And never again. In fact, just to show how not having it we are, we elected Obama’s polar opposite–a super-white, stupid, mean, racist, sexist, Hitler-but-less-organized, alleged-billionaire-type, Russia-lover to turn this nation into an ultra-right-wing authoritarian state. So, next time you see one of your fellow rightists around town you can say, “YOLO” as a way to cement in your and his/her mush-for-brains that we’re never, ever going to accept the short end of the cultural stick again! NEVER!
Ooh, Baby, I Love Your Right-Wing Way
So, sang Peter Frampton in his 1970s classic, except without the “right-wing” part. After all, he had a mind and a soul, so he didn’t include that choice tidbit in his song.
Anyway, the kids today say “BAE” as both a shortened, phonetic spelling of baby, but also as an acronym for “Before All Else,” as in, the person they’re referring to when using this term is the most important person in their lives. Oh, such naive little fools! What “BAE” really means is “Barak Allowed Evolution,” meaning when President Barack Obama led the U.S. of A., it was actually on a path to cultural, social, and political progress–evolution. Not so much anymore. President Donald J. Trump is leading on us all down a rapid, regressive path paved with deregulation, corporate handouts, civil rights rewinds, and authoritarian moves to a devolved and debased and de-everything-ed dystopian nightmare future. Fun! So now you can be like, “Trump’s my BAE,” and mean what we psychotic right-wingers do, in fact, mean: we really do want a worse and less progressive-in -every-way society. No healthcare! Tax breaks for the rich! School vouchers for richies! Random tariffs! Violation of political norms and protocol! Antagonization of the free press! Collusion with a hostile foreign power! Authoritarian punishment of enemies of the fearless leader! Love it!
Don’t Think Fast
In middle and high school. there was always that annoying jock-type who wasn’t hot enough to be accepted by the actual jocks, despite his athletic prowess. he was the type always throwing a ball at an unsuspecting person going, “Think fast!” We on the right are incapable of doing so, so it was always hard when that annoying kid did this to us. We also can’t think for ourselves. We need Fox News and Trump’s Twitter feed to tell us what to think. So, it angered us to hear a command to use our gray matter.
While you may have heard that “DGAF” stands for “Don’t Give a F–K,” you heard wrong. It stands, at least in right-wing circles, for “Don’t Go All Free-thinking!” And you really shouldn’t. Just tune into Fox News, log onto Twitter, and while you’re at it, have a gander at Infowars, Breitbart., or any Sinclair-owned media outlet. Then just parrot the nonsensical bunk you hear there. No need to think–no need to free-think.
And: We had the low-down for you on why Omaraso left the WH when she did.
Off Our Rockers
Often these days, when. something is well-done, attractive, or generally praiseworthy, the youngs will say, “Oh, that is on point!” Or they’ll exclaim, “That is on fleek!” The former phrasal fanbulosity derives from, not many know (because it’s a bunch of BS I just made up), the practice we right-wingers engage in often of pointing a gun and then shooting that pointed gun, putting an end to whatever vexing-to-us situation finds itself at the end of the barrel of said phallic weapon that we’ve decided to ameliorate via said phallic weapon, say a high school teenager’s life, for just one example.
“On fleek” is similarly a phrase that has its origins in the bang-bang implements known as guns. They’re so funs!
What you may not know if you’re not as lucky as some of us conservatives who actually have gotten to use these wonderful weapons to sow death, destruction, and chaos is that just before you shoot a sentient being to death, it screams, “Fleek! Fleek! Fleek!” And then you blow it’s head off.
So yes, when something is awesome it sure is “on point” and “on fleek.” Because you have to point a gun in order to hit your mark, and also people emit horrible cries for mercy just before you take their lives! So when something’s good, it sure is “on point” and “on fleek,” but not at all in the way naive youngsters mean it.
Argot Info
An argot is a slang used by a specific subculture, and we sure are a SUB-culture. Beneath everyone else, because we’re stupid, evil, and just the worst in every way.
I ask. you, readers, as much as we love Trump and all he does, who needs dog whistles to the horrible-est elements of the world, the kind he emits at press conferences to communicate with his fellow neo-Nazis, when you have the next step up! That is, of course, this fantabulous little conservative argot I’ve apprised you of. Don’t thank me for this service to humanity, the worst elements of it, no less–that’s you, in case that wasn’t clear. At least don’t thank me in the usual manner in which humans would thank each other. That would be behaving with some common decency, and we’re not doing that anymore. Thank me by going out into the world and using these phrases of rages to communicate communiques to your Repubi-peers to get the U.S. of A. back to where it belongs–the past that was only good for Christian white men and No. Body. Else.
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