What our Southern border will soon resemble, and your home can too!/Image: Licensed Adobe Stock.
For You, For Him
We hope you’re feeling craft-y today, Spread Your Right Wings readers! We’ve got a really fun one for you.
This may be one of our greatest ideas yet. A border wall around your home not only will keep out immigrants, but it may put you in the running to be featured in an upcoming episode of Doomsday Preppers! And what RWNJ (Right Wing Nut Job) doesn’t want that?!
And, it’ll let President Trump, who has nothing but our best interests at heart, know that we support him as he puts off doing what became the central idea of his campaign. We’re telling you what you already know when we say, he’s just being delayed by the pinko, Commie liberals in Congress, and he has every intention of either getting Mexico to pay for a border wall or bankrupting the nation to do so. Lots of little border walls around homes all over the country will inspire him to keep his chin up because we know he’s going to come through for us.
Now, to build your very own border wall around either your trailer or McMansion…
What You’ll Need:
- People to build it for you.
- $20-$30 to pay those people.
What to Do:
- Go to Home Depot. In the parking lot, you’ll be approached by many people of Hispanic ethnic extraction, ironically, who want to do odd jobs for you. Tell them what you want, and tell them you’re willing to pay them $20 or $30 to have them do it. They’ll eagerly accept.
- Sit your Chow Chow on your lap and a glass of Pinot beside you as you watch the Hispanic laborers build your home border wall from the comfortable inside of your home.
- When they’re done, briefly open your front door, hand them the cash you set aside for this project, and quickly shut the door.
- Make sure the Hispanics understand they need to be on the other side of your new border wall within one minute, or you’re bringin’ out the shotgun.
And Now…
Wasn’t that fun and rewarding? Don’t you feel all warm–like a fever–and fuzzy–like a moldy peach inside?
You’ve earned it, so just enjoy your wall, safe in the knowledge that your home, like your whole country, soon, will be cut off from the outside world, leaving you safe to watch Fox News on your 75-inch flat screen TV, while also surfing the Internet for brilliantly-written Breibart, Daily Stormer, and Info Wars articles on right-wing nonsense…er, news.
We at Spread Your Right Wings generally don’t like people, the Internet, or interacting with people on the Internet. Seek out someone—in person—to talk to and laugh with about this article. Check back with us as we continue to mock the right wing. Follow us on Twitter at @worstaltlife join our Facebook group, and follow us on Instagram at @worstaltlife. If you simply must get in touch with us, DM us through our Facebook group. Also, please, please see the disclaimer in our About section.
© 2017 Akbar Khan
